


Batman's Secret Identity Conspiracy Theory - And The Butts Match!

by TottPaula



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Acting, Avoiding Detection, Bruce Wayne Can't Be Batman-Or Could He?, Conspiracy Theories, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Mild Language, Secret Identity, Talk Shows, The Mask Behind The Mask, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-02 04:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19192213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TottPaula/pseuds/TottPaula
Summary: What if...Bruce Wayne is actually preserving his dual identity by 'outing' himself in a ridiculous and incredible way on various internet conspiracy boards?





	Batman's Secret Identity Conspiracy Theory - And The Butts Match!

 

* * *

 

  **Welcome to the**

** Batman Conspiracy Board **

**This is the largest board on the net solely dedicated to the discovery and educational discussions of one question,**

**Who is Batman?**

**Or perhaps, who are all of the Batmen?**

And

\-- how many people are using the Batman persona?

There has to be more than one.

So, who is Batman, really?

Gothamites have been wrestling with that very question since the first sighting of that mysterious figure high above the streets.

Silently moving in the dark from building to building, and from one crime scene to another.

What we are absolutely sure of is very little.

We're even thinking that there's more than one man, is this a title passed on from father to son?

Batman to Robin?

Family members?

Or on to the next man who passes some mysterious test?

We here at this board believe that we've identified at least four various individuals over the years that have worn the mask; or the cowl if you will.

 

There's the original, he's the first Batman; I refer to him as _Prime Batman_ , he's built hugely and well over six feet tall.

This is the one we're all the most familiar with, he's large, strong, fast, skilled, and tough.

Though not much of a talker.

 

There was another man wearing a different uniform, and possessing a completely different approach several years ago.

This second man was different in every way, we suspect he was an interim man covering for the primary who might have been injured, our readers agree.

He even had a completely different moral code and fighting style. The second man was often accused of being insane and violent.

He didn't last long, thank goodness.

 

Then for a time, there was we believe a third man.

Younger, and more agile and nimble.

Many readers here suspect that this was the former Batman sidekick who used to be known as Robin, well, the first of the Robins (that's another page altogether) and later known we believe as Nightwing.

This one made perfect sense to most of our readers, the mantle was passed to the next in line.

 

Yet there was even a Robo-Batman who could have been virtually anyone at all. It's difficult to guess who this one might have been.

 

We even have heard a few rumors of a female version of Batman, neither was this either of the vigilantes currently or previously called Batwoman or Batgirl.

We're less sure about this theory.

Some speculate it's his wife, sister, or his girlfriend, others surmise that she is/was his daughter.

One reader guessed that it was actually Catwoman.

Others assumed it was one of the former Batgirls, perhaps even the original redhead one.

It's difficult to guess this one, but this lady was certainly equal to Batman Prime in her fighting skill.

 

Your comments?

* * *

* * *

 

 ... So Batman was a chick once??!!

Holy crap, I think I just jizzed myself! - BaTNuT

 

... Robot Batman? WTF are u all smoking? Srsly? - GthmGrrl

 

... Yeah, I think I remember that second one, the cops went cuckoo! Yikes, he was the worst one! - bludhavenbob

 

\--- Batman is Bruce Wain, they look exactly the same from the back! The butts match, the facts don't lie!!! Indisputable evidence!!!! -brucewainizbatman

 

  * \--- your insane you nutjob, Bruce Wayne's a fucking asshole, he probably screws girls and then cries himself to sleep.-- swizzlestick
  * \---Yeah, fuck you! - annonnymouse
  * \---He is, its true, the butts match!!! See the fotografic evadense. The facts don't lie!!! -brucewainizbatman
  * \---Go be a troll somewhere else, brucewainizbatman, get off these boards, this is for serious discussions only. - _jessew/forum_mod_



* * *

 

Bruce Wayne keeps his identity a secret by outing himself on Internet boards. 

He keeps posting under assumed names on conspiracy boards that 'Bruce Waine is really Batman' saying 'the butts match - indisputable proof! The facts don't lie!!!'

His proof is with snapshots taken from behind each man in question that don't show the contours of the 'butts'  beneath the jacket or cape, but a childish looking butt shape is added with a marker that's incredibly crooked childlike and unrealistic. 

He uses a bunch of other names that are really ridiculous or outlandish; pseudonyms such as;

"#brucewayneizreelybatman"

or

"#seewhobatmanreelyis"

and so on. He has it posted all over Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and more, with the same photos used as evidence.

It soon becomes a popular viral Gotham meme, anytime someone new accuses him, someone else will answer "and the butts match!"

 

Bruce goes on talk shows acting like a silly and dandified version of Batman saying lines like:

" _Er, pardon me, Mr. Bank Robber, sir, I'm Batman and I'll gladly pay you one million dollars not to rob this bank, please!"_

or,

" _Stop criminals, I'm the Batman, cease and desist immediately or I'll have my butler escort you out of here and thrash you soundly."_

_Or,_

" _Hey there, Mr. Joker, that's not fair! You've got even more makeup on than me! Off to Arkham for you, naughty sir!"_

 

The show host often even has a Batman mask for Wayne to wear to add to the fun, and they cannot imagine this goofy dude besting the Joker, or any other arch-criminal, twice a week and laughs out loud.

The audience cracks up with laughter applauding his humorous and foppish version of Batman and he gets asked back to be on more talk shows doing his best _Batman_ impressions.

So far he's been on The Today Show, Good Morning Gotham, Wendy Williams, and The Late, Late Show - twice.

He turns down most invitations, or he won't get any rest at all.

After all of that, anyone else claiming that Bruce Wayne is actually Batman gets harassed and laughed at and hears the meme, "And don't forget - the butts match!" 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this prompt idea on Pinterest and got inspired.
> 
> Hope it's not completely terrible!
> 
> Wrote this for the LOL's.


End file.
